dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
