Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
