dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
