I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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