I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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