The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
