i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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