Why are handjobs necessary in class?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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