So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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