i permit you to call me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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