This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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