we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
