My nipple is on Facebook.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
