You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
