Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
