So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
