How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
