I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
