He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
