so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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