i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
