even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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