Screwed.edu
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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