i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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