remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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