He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
