I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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