Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
