Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Farmville is her only friend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
