this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
