i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
