maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
