I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
