Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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