To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
