The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
