Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
