Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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