i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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