i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
