Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
