Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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