Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
