sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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