Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
