So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
