Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
