Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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