do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
