dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
