remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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