Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
