FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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