You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
