I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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